Man alive, aren’t they a handsome group! :)

It just warms my heart to see all three of them sitting there together…  And I can’t believe I’m a mother of three children now!  I swear it happened in the blink of an eye!  The other night, a baby sitter said, “I remember when you were pregnant with Bubbers and now you’ve got three kids!”  I had to smile and say, “I know, I can’t believe it, either!”

But it’s true!   I’ve got three kids now and they’re all miraculously taking an afternoon nap at the same time right now, so I thought I’d answer some of the questions I’ve been getting from my friends…

–

So how are you doing, Heidi?  Are you just crazy busy with your three little wigglers?

I am doing really, really well!  Yes, I AM crazy busy with three kids four and under, but I love it!

My Mom always said that it got busier with each child and maxed out at three.  At three, you have lots of work and very little free time and she is right!  There is always someone who needs me or something that needs to be done.  And so far, I love it!

For some reason, I thrive when I’m really busy.  It forces me to prioritize really well and motivates me to work hard and efficiently, because it’s the only way to get everything done.  And I love being like this!  I love staying on top of the dishes and paperwork immediately, because I just have to.  And I love staying on top of my housework during naps, because then it frees me up to really enjoy and relish the children when they’re awake.  And for the first time ever, I’m actually doing what I’ve always thought would be a good idea:  waking up early to get ready before the kids wake up (and boy do they wake up early!).  But my day goes so much better, so I’m doing it and it’s great.

So, I’m glad to say that so far, three kids is suiting me really well. :)

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How are you doing with the transition to three kids?  How does it compare to having one and then two kids?

I am thrilled to say this has been the easiest transition hands down!  One child stressed me out because I’d never done it before.  Two children REALLY stressed me out because I couldn’t control everything anymore.  But then I went to counseling and was able to change and mellow out.  And then I was so mentally and physically ill, tired and/or hurting during this last pregnancy that I learned how to mother when I felt awful.  And it made me mellow out even more.

I guess another way of saying it would be…  I thought I was a patient, calm person when I had one child.  Then I had two children and I had to dig a lot deeper to be patient and calm.  Then I got pregnant and my body fell apart and I had to dig way, way deeper to be patient and calm.

By the time this third child came after all I’d been through, I was surprised to find that my depth of patience and calm was already adequate.  And I was so glad!!! :):)  Because I really, really wanted to be able to handle three wigglers and I was so relieved when I found out I could.

Oh, and we don’t get out as much right now.  A friend at church (who also has three young kids) told me she didn’t get out as much with three kids and they stayed home a lot more.  And so far, we’ve done the same.  Three little ones is a lot to manage by myself…  And it only took a couple experiences of Sir Boots suddenly (and gleefully!) sprinting away from me at a park (one time while I was nursing Baby Prince!) to make me realize “getting out” was no longer a treat for me.  :)

Fortunately, we have a wonderful backyard, front yard and park next door and I can still take them out shopping (Boots can’t run away in a shopping cart!!).  So we’re able to “get out” in more controlled environments.  :)

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How are you doing physically?  Have you fully recovered?

I am almost back to myself again! It took the full 6 weeks before I had all my stamina back and wasn’t sore from my surgery or subsequent infections anymore.

The only thing lingering now is a pelvic injury I sustained right before Baby Prince was born (which I’ve been meaning to post about since, well, he was born!). My pelvis joints loosen up too much and it’s gotten worse with each pregnancy. By the end of this one I could barely walk and then I sprained my symphysis pubis (one of my pelvic joints) the day before Baby Prince was born.

With the weight of the baby directly on the sprain, I literally could not walk. I could only get around by swinging the weight of my legs to propel me forward and holding onto a wall. It was extremely slow and laborious and painful. Thankfully, the C-section had already been bumped up a week earlier than planned and my mother was already in town for the delivery and was able to take over the care of Bubbers and Boots. What a blessing!

When I hobbled like that into the admissions area at the hospital, a receptionist took one look at me and bolted from her chair (and the person she was already helping) to get me a wheelchair and immediately push me to the childbirth area as if I was in labor! It made me smile. :)

And when I hobbled again from the wheelchair to the bed in my room, the childbirth nurse watched with wide eyes and then asked, “So, do you think you’ll need a wheelchair to get to the operating room for the delivery?”

I laughed and said, “Well, unless you want to wait 20 minutes for me to get down the hallway.”

“No, we don’t,” she stated, “I’ll get you another wheelchair.”

After the birth, a physical therapist visited me and recommended I wear abdominal binders and pelvic belts to support my pelvis as it healed and I should use them during any future pregnancies. She also said I needed to get realigned after my C-section healed. She was so helpful!

So, Charming bought me a walker to use at home and we left the hospital with binders and a pelvic belt. And now I am much, much better, but I still get very sore from sitting or exercising. I will be visiting a physical therapist soon for my realignment, though, so I hope to be fully healed soon!

I will never forget two events, though… The time it took about 10 minutes for me to shuffle from the parking lot into the pharmacy to buy my pelvic belt. I told Charming to take Baby Prince and go on ahead and start shopping while I hobbled the rest of the way alone with my walker. Old ladies with their walkers were passing me with ease and people were trying not to stare at this youngish looking woman hunched over her walker, struggling to get one foot in front of the other. The entrance to a store had never seemed so far away and there wasn’t a single blessed thing I could do to get there any faster. It was all I could do not to laugh outloud at the hilarity of it all!!

The other event was at home about a week later. The very first time I attempted to walk from the couch to the kitchen on my own, Bubbers saw me from the dining room and called across the house, “Great job walking without your walker, Mom!!!” Oh man! I wanted to laugh so hard, but I held it in and answered with a huge smile, “Thank you, Bubbers!!”

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Are Bubbers and Boots adjusting well?  Do they seem jealous at all?

I could not be happier with how much Bubbers and Boots adore Baby Prince!

Boots loves him so completely, he can barely contain his joy at the sight of him. He is like a magnet– if Baby is within reach, Boots must be velcroed to him– labeling and touching every body part and pressing his face right up to Baby’s face so he can just stare into his eyes. It’s adorable and stressful all at the same time! :)

And Bubbers’ love for him has steadily blossomed so that now he is constantly requesting “alone time” with Baby because “I don’t get to see him that often”. Then he builds “boats” of blankets and pillows so the two of them can just lay next to each other and Bubbers can tell him all about life and who we are. :)

Not once have I seen or heard anything but love expressed for Baby and I’m so glad! Part of it may be that Baby Prince is an exceptionally good baby. He is an incredible sleeper and only wakes up to eat, get his diaper changed, smile and coo up a storm, and then he’s ready to go back to sleep again. He rarely cries and is easily contented. I have no doubt this has greatly attributed to the ease of this transition for all of us. His long naps have given me plenty of time to work and spend lots and lots of time with the other boys. It’s been a great blessing!

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How is Charming adjusting?

Poor Charming always gets the short end of the baby stick– he only gets about 10 minutes or so with Baby Prince each day. Between Baby’s long sleeping and only going to me for feedings, Daddy only gets to change the occasional diaper or hold him for a few minutes before it’s time for him to go back to bed. But even still, he adores the little guy and cherishes every minute of his limited time with him. And he’s been wonderful in taking over the bulk of the older boys’ care when he gets home, so I can have a rest or focus solely on Baby. His relationship with both Bubbers and Boots has deepened as a result and it’s been so fun to see. And we both know that he’ll get more time with Baby as he grows and becomes less dependent on me.

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I know it’s really soon to ask, but do you still want more kids?

Oh yes. Of course, Charming and I will decide for sure later on, but I will always want more kids.

Even with all the pain and suffering and complications, when I hold Baby Prince and feel his warm cheek on mine and breathe in his wonderful smell, it’s like everything I suffered is turned into love and multiplied a thousand times. And he is made more dear to me because of all I went through and am going through for him. And in a heartbeat I would do it all again to hold another precious child in my arms and press my cheek to theirs.

We met our little Prince last week.  And he is wonderful!!!

Except.  I didn’t know.

I mean, I didn’t know it was the Scooters man.  I knew it was a baby.  And I knew it was a boy.  But I didn’t know the lusciousness that is the Scooters man.

What I did know was that I still thought a lot about the baby I’d lost before the Scooters man and I was scared.  Scared that I might lose him, too.  Scared to love him.  Scared to be excited.  Just scared.

So, here I was, a month away from giving birth to this precious gem within me and, emotionally, I felt light years away from being attached to him.  From really opening myself up to him and loving him like I knew I should.

One year ago, I was also car-less.  My untrustworthy car was at the mechanic.  Again.

And one year ago, I wanted to go to a playgroup…

…  At Emily’s house.

Emily is a woman from my church with a fantastic sense of humor, a love for photography, a killer talent for cooking, an adorable son named Jack, and one of the most thoughtful hearts I’ve ever met.

I met and got to know Emily after I was invited to attend a small playgroup she helped organize.  Bubbers and I loved it and we tried to attend as often as we could.  And about three months into it, we wanted to attend a playgroup that Emily was hosting at her house.

Except.  My car was in the shop, so I couldn’t get there.

So, I asked Melanie (the kind mother of Efan) if I could get a ride with her and she said, “Sure!”

That morning, Bubbers and I piled into Melanie’s car and arrived at Emily’s house.

And when we opened the door, we heard…

…  “SURPRISE!!!!” as a room full of women jumped out from behind Emily’s couches.

Well, I was definitely surprised!

Laughing, I took off my shoes.  And Bubbers’ shoes.  And then I looked around.

I wonder who this party is for? I thought as I noticed Emily taking pictures of us all.

It must be Melanie’s birthday, I realized as I looked back at Melanie.  I was still so new to the group, I had no idea when their birthdays were.  It’s strange she didn’t tell me while we were driving over here together.

I hung back to let Melanie go ahead and take the spotlight.

Then one of the women asked, “Were you surprised?”

I looked over to see Melanie’s response.  But Melanie just looked at me.

Why is she looking at me? I wondered with confusion.

“Were you surprised, Heidi?” the woman asked again.

I stared at her.

“What?” I asked.

“Were you expecting this?” she asked.

I stared at her.

“This is for me??” I finally squeaked out.

“Yes!” the women crowded around, “Who did you think it was for?”

“Well–I wasn’t sure–I thought maybe it was Melanie’s birthday…” I trailed off.

Then.  A little hope sparked in my heart.

This is for me? The possibility was still echoing inside my head.

Could it be?  Dare I hope?

I placed a hand on my belly.

Are they throwing me a baby shower? I finally allowed myself to wonder.

The little spark of hope in my heart began to fan into a little fire.

When I found out we were having another boy, I naturally assumed there would be no baby showers for the little guy.  Since we’d already had a boy, we had everything we needed and we’d just reuse it.

But now.  Here I was.  At a baby shower for me.  Me.  The mother with a heart held together with scotch tape.  A heart that wanted to open to the new life within me, but was so afraid of breaking again.

None of the women in that room knew what I was feeling.  But all I can figure is that Heavenly Father knew.  And through these incredibly kind and thoughtful women, He was giving me a chance to celebrate my baby.

And as I opened the gifts.

And held up little clothes meant for a little body.

I began to remember.

To remember what it was like to anticipate with reckless joy and abandon having a brand new little person placed in my arms.  To imagine him–my little baby–wearing this or being wrapped up in that.

And my heart was happy.

I was going to have a baby.  A dear little baby.  Who would love me.  And who would have all these new things that had been given just to him.

And celebrating it with my wonderful Bubbers King made it even more meaningful for me.

And can you believe it, Emily even asked Charming what my favorite dessert was and made strawberry cheesecake for me!

Thank you, Jessica, Chalonn and Anjee.

Thank you, Shauna, Leah and Amanda.

Thank you, Melanie.  (And Sarah and others not pictured).

And thank you, Emily.

Thank you for reaching out to someone you didn’t know very well.  Someone who was hurting.  And didn’t know how to fix it.  Someone who will always treasure this baby shower.  And the little spark it started that has fanned into a raging fire of love.  Thank you for letting me celebrate.

Him.

….. and her sweet Laura Grace who had just been born that morning.

As I walked into my friend’s hospital room, I immediately recognized the sacred feeling of entering the presence of a newborn child. The moment I saw her, I couldn’t stop smiling and I couldn’t stop looking at her.

I restrained myself as long as I could and then I just had to hold her.  And as I held her, my smiles and stares got even worse.

She was absolutely beautiful and I adored her beautiful name: Laura Grace.

So perfect.

And it was about this time that my internal conversation began…..

“Oh my heavens, look at those cheeks!! I want to have another baby. Right nooooowwwww,” my heart sang out with beautiful chorus.

“Uh. Heidi? You, uh, you already have a baby. He’s sleeping in his crib at home. Remember?” my mind replied with confusion.

“Of course I remember him! I want him, too! I want him and I want a baby girl just like Lauuuuuraaaaa Graaaaaace,” my heart sang out with growing enthusiasm.

“Yes, she’s perfect and I can see why you love her and want a baby just like her,” my mind responded with mild alarm, “But the baby you already have right now is only six months old. And you might want to wait, say, at least a little longer before having another one.”

“None of that matters!” my heart laughed with delight, “Look at her! Just look at her! I want one! I want one! I want one!”

This conversation continued long into the night until the next morning came and I was again holding my own baby.  But every time I looked at these pictures, the conversation returned full force.

And to be honest, it scared me.

Because if the desire to have a child is this strong in me when I am having children, what on earth is it going to be like when I’m no longer having children?  Because as much as I’d like to desperately pretend I can have precious newborns my entire mortal life, I know I can’t.  At some point in time, I will have to stop for one reason or another. And when that moment comes, what happens to that desire that’s beyond my control?  That desire that God gives His daughters so they will create, deliver and love His children?

Part of me hopes it will go away, so I won’t be tormented by it.  But the overwhelming majority of me never wants it to diminish.  Because I love it.  I love babies and I love children and I love being a mother.  And I don’t want to stop loving it.

So then I cry.  And my husband offers his shoulder.  And I soggify it.

And I feel a little better.

Until I look at this again.

Like yesterday morning after Bubbers got out of the bathtub.

We were on my bed laughing and being silly.

And then I reached out and took his little hand to clip his fingernails.

“Wow, Little Man!” I said, “I guess you were in the tub for a while. Look–you’re all wrinkled up!”

“Hee, hee, hee,” he giggled, “I’m aw wrinkowed up!”

After his fingernails, I reached for his foot to clip his toenails.

I glanced at the bottom of his foot and then suddenly stopped. My heart skipped a beat and a smile crept into my lips as I gently held his foot and stared.

Instantly, I was there again, laying in that hospital bed full of exhaustion and euphoric joy…..

“Oh, Love,” my husband suddenly laughed with delight, “You have to see his feet!”

“What is it?” I asked with an expectant smile on my face.

I watched as my Prince Charming carefully laid our newborn son across my legs.

Gently, he reached down and held up our son’s feet for me to see the bottoms.

“He’s Mr. Wrinkle Foot!” my husband laughed.

“Oh!” I exclaimed with surprise.

I laughed along with my husband as I reached out and gently traced the lines etched into the bottoms of my dear baby’s feet.

“Mommy?”

As quickly as I left, I was pulled back again.

“Mommy? I’m aw wrinkowed up!” he said again.

“Yes, you are,” I smiled through the lump in my throat.

“Yes, you are.”

Why, hello there!  My name is Snuggles.  What’s yours?

“I’m Carter.  My mommy and your mommy are friends.  We were due on the exact same day.”

Really?!?  That’s amazing!

And so is your hand.  Did you know we have hands?

It’s true!  Here’s mine.  It’s my favorite.

And this is my big brother, Bubbers.

He thinks we’re kind of funny just laying here on the ground like we’re babies or something.

“Ha!  Babies!  That’s a good one, Bubbers.”

Well, it was great to meet you, Carter.  I know we’ll be great friends.

“You, too, Snuggles!  I can’t wait!”

And it all began when I was in the hospital delivering Sir Snuggles and my mother was watching the Bubbers King. We planned for my mom and Bubbers to come visit us the day after Snuggles was born.  And when the time came, Charming drove to our house to pick them up and bring them back to the hospital.

I rested in my hospital bed with baby Snuggles cuddled in my arms and kept an eye on the clock, eagerly waiting for them to arrive. After a time, I heard a sweet voice echoing down the hall and knew my little Bubbers was here!  I couldn’t contain my smiles as I tenderly sat up and slid my legs off the side of my bed to greet my eldest son.

Charming came in first with the video camera and started recording.

“Okay!” he called loudly, “Come on in, Bubbers!  Mommy’s in here!”

With a big smile, Bubbers charged into my room and held up a sweet surprise in his chubby little hands.

A tiny tupperware full of wildflowers!

“Oh my goodness!!  Thank you, Bubbers!!!” I gushed with delight as I carefully took the little flowers he offered.

By this time, my mom had entered the room and she explained, “We went to the park next door to your house this morning and he wanted to pick the wildflowers.  I told him we could bring them to you.”

“Aw, thank you!” I said, absolutely touched.

My son had brought me flowers!

Little tiny flowers he picked with his little chubby fingers!

I couldn’t have loved a gift more.

After he left, I reverently placed his flowers on my food tray right next to my bed to keep them as close as possible at all times.

They were beautiful.  And when it was time to go home, I carefully held them in the car as we drove so they wouldn’t spill or get hurt.

And when we got home, I lovingly placed them on the counter…..

…..  Along with my other treasures.

And that’s where they stayed for days and days and days.  Until they were hopelessly decayed and I finally convinced myself it was time to let them go.

Sadly, I poured them down the sink and rinsed out the tupperware.  Little did I know what would happen next, when more flowers began to bloom…..

Including our hydrangea bush in the front yard.

Ever since my mom introduced Bubbers to the idea of “picking flowers for Mommy”, he has picked (or attempted to pick) every flower he sees and then given it to me!

So when he saw a new and abundant supply of flowers pop out in our own front yard, he eagerly ran to them and called over his shoulder, “I want to pick flowers for Mommy!!”

Of course, we let him.  And now every time he goes outside, he asks permission to leave the garage (“I want to pick flowers for Mommy!!!”) and then runs for the bush!

And then carefully gives me every flower he picks.

Or sets them aside to give me later.

Or stores them in his new pencil box.

And I have to say…..

I love every single one of them!

Dear Snuggles,

Before you were born, your father and I had so many questions about you.

“What will he be like?” we wondered.

“Can we possibly have another boy who is sweet and good?”

“How do we integrate another member into our family?”

And the question that worried me the most:

“Will I bond to him?….. I mean really bond to him?”

You see, when we got pregnant with you, I was still mourning the loss of our child before you. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t dispel the underlying worry that I would lose you, too.

And this worry kept my hurting heart from fully embracing you while you were still inside me. I knew it was happening, but I didn’t know how to stop it. And I worried that it would permanently affect my ability to bond with you.

I was still worried about this on the morning you were born, though I didn’t speak of it.

I was also worried about having another C-section and the risks that come with surgery, so I asked your Dad and our wonderful doctor to give me a blessing.

Right before we went into the operating room, we closed the door to my hospital room and your Dad placed his hands on my head and gave me a Priesthood blessing from Heavenly Father.

He spoke wonderful, reassuring words about a safe operation and recovery for both of us that brought peace to my soul. And then quite unexpectedly, he blessed me to bond quickly with you.

And my heart jumped.

For the past 9 months, I had wanted to bond with you. I had wanted to feel that deep love that only a mother and child can feel. That love that no words can adequately express and a lifetime of service only hints at.

But I hadn’t. And I was afraid that I wouldn’t. And Heavenly Father knew that. And He also knew that that’s what I wanted more than anything else. And He had just promised me that I would have it.

My heart started beating faster with hesitant anticipation.

Then I was in the middle of surgery and I couldn’t believe I would finally be meeting you. For the thousandth time, I wondered what you would be like.

As the doctors pulled you out, they remarked on the large size of your head and what a big baby you were. Then the nurse took you and cleaned you up.

You cried a little, but quickly quieted down. And after what seemed like forever, you were given to your father and he brought you to me.

I stroked your soft face and talked to you while you made sweet newborn sounds that I loved and had forgotten about.

You were beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

And looking into your face, I immediately felt who you were. You were as sweet, gentle and loving as you were beautiful.

And I loved you. Absolutely loved you.

Just like He said I would.

But actually.

To be precise.

Her fingers and voice had a very dramatic impact on our family.

You see, the first day she was alone with my eldest son, she happened to pull out an old finger play she used to do with her children and the Bubbers King loved it.

And when she finished, he instructed, “Again.”  So she sang it again.  And then he instructed, “Again” again.  So she sang it again.  And then he instructed, “Again” again.  And she sang it again.  56 million times.

And then she pulled out another old finger play she used to do with her children and the Bubbers King loved it, too!

And when she finished, he instructed, “Again.”  56 million more times.

So, by the time we came home from the hospital almost four days later, the Bubbers King had a new set of finger plays he loved and frequently requested throughout the day.

My Mom happily obliged and sang them as often as he asked.  And then she packed her bags and got ready to leave.  And I realized that Bubbers’ requests for singing would soon be redirected to me.

Which presented a dilemma.

Because I had no recollection of my Mother singing those songs to us as children.  And at the time my Mother was leaving, I was still in Percoset-induced la-la land with no ability to learn and retain these new favorite songs that the Bubbers wanted to sing.

So I asked my Mother to perform the songs while I video taped.  Thus preserving them for us to learn.  And for posterity to enjoy for years to come.

Fortunately, she happily complied:

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“Grandma’s Finger Plays”

My favorite parts:

• Bubbers repeatedly requesting the “Bunny Rabbit” song
• Bubbers repeatedly requesting Grandma to sing about the 10 Little Indian girls

—

After she performed those songs, I asked her to perform “The Trip”.

“The Trip” is an activity she used to do with children at church when she taught the three-year-olds.  I used it once when I was teaching the three-year-olds and they loved it.  But I’ve always had a hard time remembering how it goes.

So I asked her to perform it on tape.  Thus again preserving it for me to learn.  And for posterity to enjoy for years to come.

My favorite parts:

• Every time Bubbers does one of the hand motions
• When he gets stuck on the “eyes” hand motion  :):)

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Thank you, Mom!  You rock.  And I will always treasure these videos!