“Hey Mommy!” Brother whisper-called to me as I was leaving his room tonight.

“Yes?” I paused in the doorway.

“It occurred to me that we haven’t had any pyroclastic flow in a really, really long time,” he unexpectedly told me.

“Really?” I replied, quickly wracking my brain to figure out what he was talking about… Oh, yes! Pyroclastic flow is the most deadly product of an explosive eruption from a super volcano.

“Do you know why?” Brother continued.

“No, why?” I asked curiously.

“Because I said a prayer that no super volcanoes or volcanoes would erupt until after we’re resurrected!” he answered with a confident smile.

“Really?” I smiled back with a melting heart, “Thank you! That way it won’t hurt us at all!”

“That’s right!” he replied and then laid back on his pillow.

Man alive, what a sweet kid! I thought to myself.

“Good night, I love you!” I called.

“Good night, I love you, too!” he called back.

Then I left his room with a prayer in my heart.

For safety from pyroclastic flow.

And for gratitude for an incredible little boy.

That’s probably the longest title I’ve ever used, but it’s absolutely true.

When you really think you’re going to die and then you don’t– It’s incredibly freeing.

My mind has been very full lately.

I feel like I’m constantly thinking of different things throughout the day as I care for the boys and our home.

Do we have enough milk in the fridge to last until Charming goes to Costco on Saturday?

Is it time for me to start making lunch?

When was the last time I changed Boots’ diaper?

I’ve also started writing stories again and recently decided to finally write that LDS Romance Novel I’ve always wanted to write.

So that’s been filling my mind, too.

What should I name the heroine?

What does she look like?

How should I start it?

And then the snow storms moved in this week and my mind got even more full.

One of our trees fell over and I wondered, “Did the trunk damage our new patio? Now we don’t have shade there anymore… Should we plant another tree?”

And today, I wondered, “Should I reschedule my appointment with my new doctor? Or should we go ahead and drive there in the snow?”

Because in the back of my full mind, I feel the constant weight of questions that worry me.

Will my hips ever heal?

Will my pelvis ever heal?

Will I ever be able to shop at a store again?

Will I ever be able to run with my children again?

Will I be able to have more children?

After 10 months of pain, limited mobility and watching life from the sidelines, it’s wearing me down.

And when I recently mailed off an application for a disabled parking placard, it was very bittersweet.

But then my parents and siblings said they’d pray and fast for me and boy has that helped!

They also encouraged me to find a specialist and I did!

So, despite the snow, we still wanted to go to my appointment.  I asked Charming (a veteran snow-driver) to drive me and then confirmed with the clinic that the weather wasn’t too bad.

And with hope shining brightly in my mind, we prayed for safety, drove to the city and embarked on a new path of assessment and treatment options. (Hurray!!)

And then.

As we were driving on the freeway back to home, Charming accidentally hit a slick build-up of snow.

And we lost control.

Our van started sliding and spinning through the middle of traffic.

And as I watched the scene unfold before me in slow motion, I thought we were going to die.

Realizing there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it, I closed my eyes, clutched tightly to my seat belt and desperately said, “Heavenly Father, Please!”

WHAM!!

Our back bumper slammed into the guard rail off the shoulder of the freeway and our van stopped sliding.

Stunned and breathing heavily, I opened my eyes.

I’m alive!!!

I looked over at Charming.

He’s okay!!!

We looked back at Baby– sitting in the exact corner of the van that hit the guard rail.

He’s kicking his feet and babbling!!!!

And then I thought of Boots.

And Brother.

Who were playing at their friend’s house.

I’m still with them!!!

—-

And now I feel free.

Who cares if my hips never heal?

Who cares what I name my heroine?

Who cares if we run out of milk?

Who cares if I spill all my Costco cookies onto the garage floor?

I don’t.

Because Heavenly Father answers prayers.

And I’m alive!!!

And that’s all that really matters.

We hope you all have a warm, magical and spiritual Christmas!

It was gorgeous and we had a wonderful time (well–Baby may have wanted to go back to bed even before we got out the door, but after all I went through getting everyone out, we weren’t turning back).  :)

After seeing them, Brother asked some great questions about why there are so many near us.  And what would happen to us if one of them erupted.  I ended up telling him about the Ring of Fire and then he asked why the borders of tectonic plates make volcanoes.

When we got home, he transitioned into full blown “Ring of Fire Pretend Time”!  And he was dashing to look out the window, declaring the Ring of Fire was “lighting up”, frantically packing up all his favorite toys and evacuating from “his house” (the toy room) to “my house” (the family room) where he was safe.  And then the stairs became a volcano that we had to climb for nap time.  It was so fun! :)

After that, I knew what I had to do while everyone was napping.  Well, actually, what I wanted to do (instead of the dishes or picking up toys).  Because I love to teach and I especially love to teach my children who love to learn. :)

So, with the help of the internet (thank you, Wikipedia!), our color printer and some art supplies, Brother will now be waking up to…

… The Ring of Fire!! (the original print out)

… The Ring of Fire!! (drawn onto plate tectonics)

… and The Ring of Fire!! (taped onto our world map)

—-

I am so grateful for the internet!  I love being able to instantly learn and teach my children about the things that interest them.

Now I’d better go take a nap (or do the dishes or pick up toys) before The Ring of Fire starts exploding again!

I held him close and considered my answer as I walked us carefully down the stairs.  He in his pajamas and I in my church clothes, ready to leave for the temple while Charming stayed home with the kids.

Reverently, I told my dear Boots, “I’m going to the temple because I love God.  And I want to feel close to Him.”

“Oh,” he replied sweetly, with his wonderful, chubby arms wrapped around my neck and his warm cheek still pressed to mine.

I smiled and held him tighter.

—-

I got up early this morning and went to the temple while the sun was still rising.

And for the first time ever, I was by myself!

I’ve always gone with Charming in the past, but recently we decided to start going by ourselves as we’re able.  That way we can go even before Baby is old enough for a sitter.

So, I went today and I missed having my husband with me.  But it was so wonderful to be back at the temple.  I hadn’t gone since before Baby was born and I really needed it.

Since I was by myself, I was very quiet and attentive to everything.

Just as I anticipated, I felt different the moment I drove onto the temple grounds.  The presence of the Holy Ghost was unmistakable and I just soaked it in like a long-lost, treasured friend.  I love going back to the temple after a hiatus, because then I appreciate it more.

I couldn’t stop smiling as I breathed in the cool, moist air of early morning and admired the gorgeous fall colors.  It was heavenly.

While I was inside the temple, I thought a lot about my family.  I thanked Heavenly Father for my husband.  For Brother.  And Boots.  And Baby.  I thought about how much joy my posterity brings me.  And how much I want to be with them forever.

I also thought about my physical body.  What a gift it is.  And how much I hope to be able to have more children with it.

At another time, I realized how easy it was to feel love for others when I’m inside the temple.  It’s like I shed all the worries and cares of the world and my eyes are able to see only the good in others.  It was so refreshing.  I loved it and wished I could be there with my parents.  And my siblings.  And Charming’s parents.  So we could feel that heavenly bond of love and eternity.

Then I decided that when my children are grown and married, I want to go to the temple with them when we go to visit.  I want to see my children and their spouses with my temple eyes.  And feel that glimpse of heaven together.

When I went home afterward, my heart was still full of love and joy and my temple eyes lingered.  I was so excited to see my husband and sons again.

As Boots came running up to me with bright eyes, I remembered his question from earlier.  And as he excitedly told me, “Come, Mommy, come!”, grabbed my finger with his adorably chubby fist, and then led me to Baby and Daddy hiding in the corner, I remembered my answer.

I do love God.  And when I go to the temple, I do feel closer to Him.