Heidi May 12th, 2010
One year ago, I was eight huge months pregnant with the Scooters man.
Except. I didn’t know.
I mean, I didn’t know it was the Scooters man. I knew it was a baby. And I knew it was a boy. But I didn’t know the lusciousness that is the Scooters man.
What I did know was that I still thought a lot about the baby I’d lost before the Scooters man and I was scared. Scared that I might lose him, too. Scared to love him. Scared to be excited. Just scared.
So, here I was, a month away from giving birth to this precious gem within me and, emotionally, I felt light years away from being attached to him. From really opening myself up to him and loving him like I knew I should.
One year ago, I was also car-less. My untrustworthy car was at the mechanic. Again.
And one year ago, I wanted to go to a playgroup…
… At Emily’s house.
Emily is a woman from my church with a fantastic sense of humor, a love for photography, a killer talent for cooking, an adorable son named Jack, and one of the most thoughtful hearts I’ve ever met.
I met and got to know Emily after I was invited to attend a small playgroup she helped organize. Bubbers and I loved it and we tried to attend as often as we could. And about three months into it, we wanted to attend a playgroup that Emily was hosting at her house.
Except. My car was in the shop, so I couldn’t get there.
So, I asked Melanie (the kind mother of Efan) if I could get a ride with her and she said, “Sure!”
That morning, Bubbers and I piled into Melanie’s car and arrived at Emily’s house.
And when we opened the door, we heard…
… “SURPRISE!!!!” as a room full of women jumped out from behind Emily’s couches.
Well, I was definitely surprised!
Laughing, I took off my shoes. And Bubbers’ shoes. And then I looked around.
I wonder who this party is for? I thought as I noticed Emily taking pictures of us all.
It must be Melanie’s birthday, I realized as I looked back at Melanie. I was still so new to the group, I had no idea when their birthdays were. It’s strange she didn’t tell me while we were driving over here together.
I hung back to let Melanie go ahead and take the spotlight.
Then one of the women asked, “Were you surprised?”
I looked over to see Melanie’s response. But Melanie just looked at me.
Why is she looking at me? I wondered with confusion.
“Were you surprised, Heidi?” the woman asked again.
I stared at her.
“What?” I asked.
“Were you expecting this?” she asked.
I stared at her.
“This is for me??” I finally squeaked out.
“Yes!” the women crowded around, “Who did you think it was for?”
“Well–I wasn’t sure–I thought maybe it was Melanie’s birthday…” I trailed off.
Then. A little hope sparked in my heart.
This is for me? The possibility was still echoing inside my head.
Could it be? Dare I hope?
I placed a hand on my belly.
Are they throwing me a baby shower? I finally allowed myself to wonder.
The little spark of hope in my heart began to fan into a little fire.
When I found out we were having another boy, I naturally assumed there would be no baby showers for the little guy. Since we’d already had a boy, we had everything we needed and we’d just reuse it.
But now. Here I was. At a baby shower for me. Me. The mother with a heart held together with scotch tape. A heart that wanted to open to the new life within me, but was so afraid of breaking again.
None of the women in that room knew what I was feeling. But all I can figure is that Heavenly Father knew. And through these incredibly kind and thoughtful women, He was giving me a chance to celebrate my baby.
And as I opened the gifts.
And held up little clothes meant for a little body.
I began to remember.
To remember what it was like to anticipate with reckless joy and abandon having a brand new little person placed in my arms. To imagine him—my little baby–wearing this or being wrapped up in that.
And my heart was happy.
I was going to have a baby. A dear little baby. Who would love me. And who would have all these new things that had been given just to him.
And celebrating it with my wonderful Bubbers King made it even more meaningful for me.
And can you believe it, Emily even asked Charming what my favorite dessert was and made strawberry cheesecake for me!
Thank you, Jessica, Chalonn and Anjee.
Thank you, Shauna, Leah and Amanda.
Thank you, Melanie. (And Sarah and others not pictured).
And thank you, Emily.
Thank you for reaching out to someone you didn’t know very well. Someone who was hurting. And didn’t know how to fix it. Someone who will always treasure this baby shower. And the little spark it started that has fanned into a raging fire of love. Thank you for letting me celebrate.