A Tender Heart

Heidi August 13th, 2008

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always had a hard time resting.

I like to be working.

I like to be productive.

So just sitting and resting can be a challenge for me.

But usually that’s okay, because I can handle working.

It’s just those times when my body really needs me to rest, that it’s a little more difficult…..

For example, after my miscarriage, I gave myself a day to rest and then tried to jump back into normal life.

But it landed me wiped out on the couch every afternoon.

So, finally, I promised myself a day of rest.

Today I am not leaving my house, I told myself forcefully, I am going to sit on a chair in the backyard and rest.

I tried to occupy my mind by watching the cute Bubbers king wander around the yard.

He played with the swing set.

Walked around the deck.

And made his usual rounds.

But then all of a sudden, he headed for a part of the yard he rarely visits.

The side of our house…..

….. With a chunk of deck that Charming et al. ripped off while moving our hot tub and hadn’t put back.

Bubbers happily started playing on the little chunk.

And I happily admired how cute he looked with his hood up.

And how round his cheeks were.

And how little his hands were.

And then…..

….. My eyes wandered beyond him.

To this monstrous plant that was trying to eat the side of our house.

And made it impossible to use our French doors.

And as I sat there and stared at this huge monstrosity, I suddenly found myself thinking, “Hey, I’m not doing anything else right now.  I should go attack that thing.”

And without a second thought, I stood up, opened the shed, took out my gloves and pruning shears, and walked toward the house-eating plant with a determined glint in my eye…..

….. And attacked the living daylights out of it.

But it wasn’t long before my uterus started complaining.

“Uh, Heidi?” my uterus said quietly.

“Yeah?” I replied as I clipped and pulled a vine with all my might, “What’s up?”

Then I tossed the vine onto the growing pile of branches on the ground next to me.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” my uterus asked.

“Forgetting something?” I repeated as I left the house-eating plant and started pulling weeds along the house.

“Yeah,” my lower back chimed in, “Aren’t you supposed to be resting??”

Suddenly my mouth dropped open, “Holy smokes, you’re right!”

I paused for a moment and then resumed my weeding.

“I totally forgot about that,” I said with laugh, “Let me just finish these weeds and cut down a few more vines, and then I’ll rest.”

I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten my promise to rest.

But I couldn’t stop right when I was almost done!

So, I finished up as fast as I could, and then really promised myself I’d rest.

I sat myself down in my chair and told myself, “You’re not moving from here for the rest of the day!”

So, I sat there.

For a whole minute.

And then I had to do something.

So I called over the Bubbers king and pulled out the bubbles…..

….. And he tried to eat them!

But it didn’t work.

So then he flipped them over and tried again.

But it still didn’t work.

So then I turned on his bubble machine and he became surrounded.

And then I pulled out the bubble gun and made a big huge bubble mountain!

And I watched his cute Wooga hands reach into the bubbles.

And squish them between his fingers!

And then squish some more!

And then he up and stomped through them!

But then he realized what he’d done.

“I realize what I’ve done,” he said and asked me to make another bubble mountain.

So I did.

And he immediately abandoned it…..

….. And took off!

But I couldn’t move from my chair and follow him, because I’d really promised myself to stay put this time.

So, I called, “Bubbers!  Hey, Bubbers!  Come back and see what I’ve got!”

To be continued…

• My miscarriage , Play-by-plays...
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