Heidi March 10th, 2008
[Holy smokes! It’s been forever since the last installment, so click here if you need to catch up on the whole story.]
I burst into the bank’s foyer and looked around hastily for someone who looked like a Bob, so I could tell him to get Bill and help poor Sue lying flat on her back out on the sidewalk.
But all I saw were females everywhere I turned.
Is Bob a woman?? I thought suddenly.
Not knowing what else to do, I began approaching the nearest woman to ask if her name was Bob, when a security guard entered the building.
I immediately recognized him as the man having a smoke break when I’d arrived at the bank.
Oh, surely he can help me! I thought desperately.
Catching his attention, I hurriedly pointed outside and explained, “Sue fell and hit her tail bone and now she’s outside laying on the sidewalk and needs Bill to come help her.”
The security guard just stood there and looked at me like I was completely nuts.
“Come again?” he asked slowly with a blank stare.
I quickly repeated myself with even more gesticulating, hoping to convey a sense of urgency and the need for immediate action.
He blinked a couple times and finally nodded, “Okay.”
Then he walked off into the bank and I swung Bubbers back around and out the door.
Sue was still laying on the ground and I told her Bill was coming.
It wasn’t long before Bill and the security guard joined us and I sighed with relief.
Bill immediately knelt down and administered to Sue by talking to her calmly and helping her roll onto her side and then slowly sit up.
As she sat resting on the sidewalk, Bill turned to me.
“Did you see what happened?”
“Yes,” I nodded, feeling terrible that this whole thing had started because of my 56 illegal pictures of Bubbers and his first dollar.
“Did he see what happened?”
Bill was looking at the Bubbers king who was sitting in his stroller and sucking on the nearest inanimate object.
“Who him??” I pointed at the salivating Bubbers.
“Yes, him,” Bill replied firmly, “We’re going to need statements from all the witnesses.”
He handed me a legal pad and a pen.
“Write down what you saw,” he told me, his eyes boring into mine.
Then he knelt down next to Bubbers and said, “Tell me who did it.”
Bubbers stopped sucking long enough to give Bill the stink eye and answer: [Click here]
“Ha, ha,” I laughed nervously and gave Bubbers my own stink eye, “He’s just joking.”
Bill looked at me suspiciously, but all he said was, “Uh-huh.”
Feeling betrayed by my own son, I wrote down exactly what happened and handed it to Bill.
By this time, Sue was feeling much better, so Bill helped her stand up slowly.
Then she looked at me with an apologetic smile, “I’m so sorry I scared you.”
“No!” I replied, “I’m so sorry you fell! I hope you’re okay.”
“Oh, I’ll be fine,” she insisted as Bill and the security guard helped her walk back into the bank to rest.
Bubbers and I silently watched them go.
Then we slowly turned to each other with wide eyes.
“Can you believe that?” I asked, “I had no idea all of this would happen because a sweet waitress gave you a dollar!!”
Bubbers kicked his feet and waved at a nearby bush.
I laughed and shook my head.
Then I reached down and cupped his chubby cheeks.
“What do you say we go in and open that account of yours now?”
Bubbers grasped my hands and smiled up at me.
I smiled back, “Okay, here we go!”
Then I stood up, grabbed a hold of the stroller and pushed Bubbers towards the bank door.
[Okay, so yeah, I didn’t tell Bill that I had been taking illegal pictures on bank property. And I didn’t delete them. And I hope I don’t go to jail.]
- Sir Brother (formerly The Bubbers King)