My new most embarrassing moment ever

December 14th, 2007

“Let me know if you want a blessing,” my husband said gently, peering down at me as I laid on the couch.

I smiled faintly up at him, “Thank you, Love, I will.”

“You promise?” Charming continued, still peering down at me.

I nodded, “I promise.”

“Okay,” he said, then turned back to tending our infant son playing on the floor.

Oh, you’re so thoughtful, I smiled to myself as I watched my sweet husband.

I was confident that I’d been through the worst of the illness and things would just get better from here.

But they didn’t.

The pains of my nausea continued to increase and I worried that yet another puking fest was in my near future.

As the day wore on, I only felt weaker and weaker. With all food and drink becoming more and more offensive.

This is not good, I began to realize, How on earth can I nurse my son if I can’t even keep a single drop of water down??

—–

Finally, I told my husband that I did want a blessing to help me heal.

“Okay!” he said, and immediately went to the phone to call our home teachers.

Except, we didn’t actually know who they were. We were still fairly new in the ward and hadn’t met them, yet.

So, first he called to find out who they were. And then he called them.

“Brother Kinsey?” my husband asked over the phone, “Hi, you’re my home teacher and my wife, Heidi, is really sick and needs a blessing. Could you come over and help me give it to her?…… You can?…… Great! Let me tell you where I live……”

I sighed, relief was on its way!

My husband hung up the phone and sat back down at the table to feed our son more baby cereal.

“One!….. Two! ….. Threeeee!” Charming played our son’s favorite game, and Bubbers smiled and opened his mouth wide for the incoming cereal.

The feeding was almost done when my husband suddenly grew very quiet, but I was too lost in the mists of delirium and angry stomachs to notice.

Then without warning he bolted up from the table and rushed down the hall to the nearest bathroom.

Oh no! I thought fuzzily, recognizing the signs of an imminent puke fest.

Up until now, Charming had appeared to be untouched by the demon flu that had descended on our unsuspecting home.

Oh man, he’s got it now, too!

“If it makes you feel any better, I know exactly how you feel…” I called weakly, even though he couldn’t hear me through the closed door.

I just hoped that he finished before Brother Kinsey arrived.

Ding dong!

The sound echoed through the house.

Holy garbage face!!! I panicked inside, There’s no way I can answer that! If I stand up, I’m going to puke…..

…..But I can’t just not answer it!…..

…..Oh, heavens, what do I do?…..

I took a deep breath and ever so slowly sat up. Gripping the couch, I stumbled to the door and opened it, then stumbled back to the couch.

“Hi….. My name is Heidi, it’s nice to meet you,” I smiled dimly from the couch, “Uh, my husband’s in the bathroom right now, but hopefully he’ll come out soon….. Please have a seat.”

Brother Kinsey smiled and sat on the couch across from mine.

Holding out a bag he said, “My wife made some marshmallow rice crispy bears so I brought some for you.”

“Thank you very much,” I smiled, reaching out to take the kind bears as my stomach lurched in ferocious anger and threatened to dry heave at the very mention of food.

Brother Kinsey attempted to make small talk as I lay practically passed out on the couch.

Charming was still in the bathroom.

And my son was still strapped in his booster chair at the table and becoming more and more impatient about finishing his meal.

Dear Brother Kinsey just spoke louder and louder over the increasing volume of my son’s crying.

Oh my poor Bubbers, my mother’s heart called out, Please just wait a little longer until Daddy can come help you!

But Bubbers didn’t hear my heart and his cries became even more intense.

That’s when my duty as a mother took possession of my sick, exhausted body and single-handedly lifted it from the couch and over to the table to feed my son.

I gave him a spoonful of cereal and he immediately calmed down.

Please, please don’t let me throw up! I prayed, knowing that being upright for more than 2 seconds was hugely dangerous for my angry stomach, Charming, please, please come out of the bathroom!!

I think Brother Kinsey was still talking to me, but I had no idea what he was saying. My achy head was surreal and detached from my body, floating somewhere on the lakes of fluland.

And then suddenly, I felt it.

No, no, please, please!! I prayed, but to no avail.

The feeling grew stronger and stronger, until…

Flippin’ bucket garbage head!!! I screamed inside.

I stood up, murmured urgently, “Please excuse me!” while retrieving my puke bowl from the couch and running down the hall towards our only empty bathroom as fast as my legs could carry me as my son burst into hysterical wailing in the background.

—–

Poor, poor Brother Kinsey.

Left all alone on the couch.

In a strange house.

With a possessed banshee baby.

And his two puking parents.

Umm…..welcome to our home?…..

—–

p.s. Dear Brother Kinsey’s name was changed to protect him. I mean, hasn’t the poor man been through enough already?

p.p.s. The marshmallow rice crispy bears were eventually devoured and proved to be quite divine.

Sunday, Dec. 9, 2007

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7 Comments

Tearese | 12/14/2007 2:37 pm

Oh how sad. I haven’t been sick like that since I got food poisoning on my honeymoon. I feel for you !

 
Pam | 12/14/2007 3:31 pm

Heidi, I think this virus is all over the valley. I came down with it suddenly — very suddenly — Wednesday evening. Fortunately I was at home. I remembered reading about your episode on Sunday, and wondered if I could have caught it over the internet…

I don’t get stomach flu very often — and short of my single gall bladder attack — haven’t thrown up in 20 years. This was a particularly virulent virus, and I’m really sorry that your whole family had such a siege of it.

Were your husband and Bro. Kinsey able to give you a blessing after all, or did poor Bro. K give up and go home?

Glad you’re all feeling better now.

 
Stacey | 12/14/2007 4:09 pm

That’s terrible! I’ve heard a lot of people have been getting sick lately. Could you do me a favor? Don’t come within 200 feet of me for the next week! I don’t want to get sick and still be sick on Christmas Day. I can’t believe it’s lasting this long.

 
Ailene Hert | 12/15/2007 2:04 pm

Oh no Heidi! I’m so sorry! Hopefully you’ll look back on this one day and laugh. Poor Bubbers! I hope you all are feeling better now! :)

 
risingrainbow | 12/15/2007 4:52 pm

I hope you are both feeling better now. It is no fun to be sick.

 
Heidi | 12/15/2007 8:56 pm

Aw, thank you everyone! Thankfully, we’re all feeling wonderfully now and just finishing up laundry from the whole ordeal. Phew, what an experience!
—–
Tearese:
Food poisoning? On your HONEYMOON? How terrible! I’ve never had that, but I imagine it would be awful. Were you like, “Um, sorry Honey, I’m really not sick like this all the time, honest!”
—–
Oh, Pam, I certainly hope you didn’t catch it from us over the internet!! How are you doing now? All better, I hope! I also rarely get the stomach flu, so it completely threw me for a loop.
Brother Kinsey waited on our couch until we were done (we’re not actually sure for how long since Charming didn’t know when I rushed off and I didn’t know when Charming came back) and then they gave me the blessing. Dear, dear man! I still cringe when I think of it…
—–
Stacey:
LOL! Okay, I’ll stay away. :) It only lasted a day for Bubbers and two days for Charming, but I was three or four. Yeah, it was awful, so I hope you guys don’t get it!
—–
Ailene:
Aw, thank you! Yes, are just awesome now. We’ll see if I can laugh about it when I see Brother Kinsey at church tomorrow….. :):)
—–
Risingrainbow:
Welcome to my blog and thank you for the thoughtful comment! Yes, we’re thankfully much better!

 
Galicia | 12/19/2007 9:57 am

OK! So I have to admit, that is a hilarious story! It should be in a LDS movie (like the RM, ha! ha! ha!). I am glad to see that you are all doing great! Really I am…. :)

PS. Next time, feel free to call me, I would be happy to help… and I’ll bring you a sweet dessert! :)

 

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