It’s all relative

September 30th, 2007

One thing I struggle with as a mom is that I can only see Bubbers as he is right now and I forget how he used to look. The only way I’m able to notice his gradual changes in appearance is by watching videos or looking at pictures. But even then, I can’t really remember on my own. (It’s actually hard for me to believe that that’s my same son in the video as who’s in my arms).

In fact, I often wish I could see him through other people’s eyes. That I could say, “Wow, he’s so much bigger than the last time I saw him!” or “He’s sure looking more like his Dad!” I mean, I know he’s changing and getting bigger, I just can’t really see it or feel it. And that makes me sad.

Yesterday, Charming and I watched little Preston, so his parents (our good friends) could go to the temple. Preston is about three months younger than Bubbers, and it was so delightful having them together.

This is a picture from the first time we met Preston, when he was only 12 days old:

Here’s a picture from yesterday:

It was so fun for me to have Preston there with us. Not only was he absolutely sweet, but in a way, he allowed me to “see” Bubbers through other people’s eyes.

I was able to hold little Preston and feel how small he was compared to Bubbers. For once I could actually feel how heavy Bubbers was when I picked him up, you know what I mean? Usually it never registers–Bubbers is Bubbers. He doesn’t feel heavy or light, he’s just what he is.

But I loved being able to hold Preston and be like, “Wow, you really fit in one arm without hurting my back. That’s right. Bubbers used to be like that.” And then I could pick up Bubbers, “Uuff, man are you heavy!”

And little Preston was sooo cuddly. You could hold him on your shoulder and he’d just nestle in your neck. And his head smelled so good–exactly like a baby should.

I’d love to say that Bubbers used to do that, but he never did. He’s never really been a cuddler. Sometimes he falls asleep with his head in the crook of my neck and I sigh happily and pretend he’s cuddling me, but that’s about it. (Oh, and sometimes he rubs his face back and forth against my shoulder like he’s got an itchy face. I like that.)

I also wish he smelled good all the time, but that’s not true either. He smells good right after he’s taken a bath and I smother him in lotion. But then he slowly gets that milky smell again from all his spitting up.

That was another amazing thing about Preston–he never spit up! Not once the whole time we had him! You could hug him, and there weren’t 45 layers of burp rags and soggy bibs between you and him. It was just: him!

Whenever I start to ache for a hug from Bubbers without all the layers, I take off his bib, put down the burp rag and then hold him tight and close my eyes. But I’m never really at ease. I’m always listening for that gurgling sound that usually precedes the spewing fountain.

Wow, I never realized how much the spitting up factor changes things… Bubbers has spit up from two weeks old on, so we’ve just gotten used to it–that’s just how he is. (Well, as much as you can get used to it, since it’s completely unpredictable). He goes through 30 bibs and 20 burp rags in about four days (in addition to all his clothes and all our clothes).

But I can’t complain, because he got it from me. According to my Mom, I was the spit-up queen. So, I just have to smile and shrug my soggy shoulders.

It was also neat to see the developmental differences between Preston and Bubbers. What a difference three months makes at their age! A difference that will fade to nothing in just a few years.


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6 Comments

Alycia | 10/1/2007 1:20 pm

I know what you mean about them growing up so fast! It’s so weird seeing Preston so small, it seems like he was never like that. I find myself looking at babies that were bigger than him when he was born and thinking they are the smallest thing I’ve ever seen… I hope that makes sense. But it is good that we live in the present rather than the past or future or we would drive ourselves crazy. I’m trying my best to enjoy each moment, even when he won’t sleep as much as I want him to. Thanks again for watching him and spending time with us too!

 
tearese | 10/1/2007 2:45 pm

Hi Alycia! It was good to see some new pics of Preston, he’s cute! Joshua only spits up maybe six times a day, if that. Elora spat up alot more often, but nearly as much as you say Bubbers does!
I know what you mean about looking at pictures…I see pictures of Elora at Joshua’s age, and I can’t remember her looking like that; to me, she’s always looked about the same.

 
Rachael | 10/1/2007 2:51 pm

hi, thanks for your comment! i always like making new blogging friends (esp. Mormon ones! :-) super cute kids!

 
Heidi | 10/1/2007 2:56 pm

Alycia–

Amen to that!

I’ve experienced that exact same thing–with Tearese, in fact. When she came to your baby shower with just-barely-born Joshua, I looked at him and then I looked at Bubbers and thought, “No way…” When I asked her how much Joshua weighed at birth, I couldn’t believe it was the same as Bubbers. I was in complete denial. “There’s no possible earthly way Bubbers was ever that small. Holy cow.”

I don’t want to live in the future, I just want to be able to recall it vividly and perfectly. Does that make sense? Charming thinks we’ll be able to in heaven. I hope so. But if not, maybe Heavenly Father will let me take my video tapes… :)

 
Heidi | 10/1/2007 3:00 pm

Rachael–Wow, that was fast! Thanks for visiting.

Other Mormon gals–this is Rachael. Rachael, this is other Mormon gals.

I randomly clicked on Rachael’s name from her comment on “The Pioneer Woman” today. I took one look at her blog and thought, “She looks Mormon.” Then I read a post she wrote about meeting her husband at BYU in American Heritage and just laughed. Welcome, Rachael! (Is it just me, or is blogging getting really huge among young stay-at-home Mormon moms??)

 
Heidi | 10/1/2007 3:07 pm

Tearese– I’m glad I’m not the only one who experiences this with their children. :) I’m glad Joshua doesn’t spit up too much–6 times a day, hmm, I’m guessing it usually happens with burping–am I right?

I should count Bubbers one of these days… Off the top of my head, I’d say he’s spit up about 25-30 times so far today, and we’ve still got three hours to go. So, probably 40-50 times in a day. Wow. I knew it was a lot, but I never actually counted before. In a way, it actually makes me feel better (and worse!). :)

What I’ll never understand is how he gains so much weight spitting up this much (and expelling out the other end as well).

 

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