One thing I struggle with as a mom is that I can only see Bubbers as he is right now and I forget how he used to look. The only way I’m able to notice his gradual changes in appearance is by watching videos or looking at pictures. But even then, I can’t really remember on my own. (It’s actually hard for me to believe that that’s my same son in the video as who’s in my arms).
In fact, I often wish I could see him through other people’s eyes. That I could say, “Wow, he’s so much bigger than the last time I saw him!” or “He’s sure looking more like his Dad!” I mean, I know he’s changing and getting bigger, I just can’t really see it or feel it. And that makes me sad.
Yesterday, Charming and I watched little Preston, so his parents (our good friends) could go to the temple. Preston is about three months younger than Bubbers, and it was so delightful having them together.
This is a picture from the first time we met Preston, when he was only 12 days old:
Here’s a picture from yesterday:
It was so fun for me to have Preston there with us. Not only was he absolutely sweet, but in a way, he allowed me to “see” Bubbers through other people’s eyes.
I was able to hold little Preston and feel how small he was compared to Bubbers. For once I could actually feel how heavy Bubbers was when I picked him up, you know what I mean? Usually it never registers–Bubbers is Bubbers. He doesn’t feel heavy or light, he’s just what he is.
But I loved being able to hold Preston and be like, “Wow, you really fit in one arm without hurting my back. That’s right. Bubbers used to be like that.” And then I could pick up Bubbers, “Uuff, man are you heavy!”
And little Preston was sooo cuddly. You could hold him on your shoulder and he’d just nestle in your neck. And his head smelled so good–exactly like a baby should.
I’d love to say that Bubbers used to do that, but he never did. He’s never really been a cuddler. Sometimes he falls asleep with his head in the crook of my neck and I sigh happily and pretend he’s cuddling me, but that’s about it. (Oh, and sometimes he rubs his face back and forth against my shoulder like he’s got an itchy face. I like that.)
I also wish he smelled good all the time, but that’s not true either. He smells good right after he’s taken a bath and I smother him in lotion. But then he slowly gets that milky smell again from all his spitting up.
That was another amazing thing about Preston–he never spit up! Not once the whole time we had him! You could hug him, and there weren’t 45 layers of burp rags and soggy bibs between you and him. It was just: him!
Whenever I start to ache for a hug from Bubbers without all the layers, I take off his bib, put down the burp rag and then hold him tight and close my eyes. But I’m never really at ease. I’m always listening for that gurgling sound that usually precedes the spewing fountain.
Wow, I never realized how much the spitting up factor changes things… Bubbers has spit up from two weeks old on, so we’ve just gotten used to it–that’s just how he is. (Well, as much as you can get used to it, since it’s completely unpredictable). He goes through 30 bibs and 20 burp rags in about four days (in addition to all his clothes and all our clothes).
But I can’t complain, because he got it from me. According to my Mom, I was the spit-up queen. So, I just have to smile and shrug my soggy shoulders.
It was also neat to see the developmental differences between Preston and Bubbers. What a difference three months makes at their age! A difference that will fade to nothing in just a few years.